Everything is Everything
by Carhilwenne
Summary: “You do know there’s a big difference between killing me, and making me disappear, right?” Kingdom Hearts AU: M for pairings / violence / bad language / disturbing imagery.
1. Mad World

_Soooo! Disclaimer first, I own nothing but the story line! 3_

_Uhh, so Carhilwenne here. This is my first multichaptered fic in a WHILE, so please forgive me for any lack of skill. I normally don't even post my work, but this story has been SCREAMING at me to get out of my brain! I'm not gonna give anything away for the plot line, and I'll hopefully be explaining the story (Both what's happening at the moment and what had led up to that moment.) with memories and such. If you can't tell from this chapter, I ADORE writing gore / gruesome scenes, but when it comes to intense touchy feely / lovey dovey scenes, I fall flat. X3_

_And a BIG big thank you to my beta / lovergirl Seasaltmaddness, who I've tortured with this fic. XD;;;_

_WARNING: This story contains excessive gore, forced sex, consensual sex and disturbing imagery._

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"You do know there's a big difference between killing me, and making me disappear, right?"

Axel sneered down in disgust at the man kneeling before him with his jade green eyes narrowed angrily. "You didn't take his teeth out, Roxy? Tch, and here I thought it'd be relatively painless..." He was grinning now, like a coyote that had blood on it's tongue and teeth and after shifting in his seat, he rested his heavily booted feet on the other man's shoulder. The redhead looked to a smaller boy that stood just to his right, "You were supposed to." Roxas, the small blond, nodded hesitantly as he fidgeted in place. His pale hair was plastered to his temples and forehead with a sheen layer of sweat, the longer spikes matted down with flaking blood. "I know." He murmured under his breath, one hand moving to rest on the back of his "boss's" chair, his other remaining unseen and stuffed in one of his pants' oversized pockets. He withdrew it a moment later, a dirty knife clutched between his first two fingers and after swallowing unevenly, he took a slow couple steps until he stood beside the man on the floor.

Said man, the dying man, looked up to the blond, his amber colored eyes squinted through the pain. "Fuck off, you-" His insult was cut short by a boot to the chest, and sprawled on his back he let out an awful cough. "Fuck you!" He rolled to one side, curling slightly as tho shying away from the other two. His chest was heaving with wet panting, his eyes still trained on the 'throned' man before him.

"Tsk tsk, Xigbar, is that any way to treat your new boss?" Axel teased from his seat before he bent slightly to brush off his boots. "Just sit there and take it, like Demyx did-"

This time it was Xigbar's turn to interrupt, with a sputtering growl that tugged his lips back from his bloodstained teeth. "Myde. His name is Myde you jackass." He hissed, moving onto his knees. If only his hands were free, but the redhead knew what the older man's speciality was; He had seen him break chests open with one hand so both his arms were tugged and pinned back with a length of barbed wire, and some old handcuffs for good measure. The metal teeth dug into his hands up to nearly his mid biceps, the dirty length shining slick with new and old blood and with every movement, the spikes of metal bit in deeper, promising to leave even uglier scars. "You didn't have to bring him into this."

Axel feigned shock now, one hand fluttering up to his mouth. "But Xigbar! You know I had to, especially after he almost hurt my poor Roxas..." His gaze swiveled to the blond now who shrunk back slightly, "My poor poor Roxas... He couldn't walk for almost a week!" He cooed softly to his evident companion and while his face was soft with regret, his eyes remained hard and bright. "I'm glad he went quickly though, and we didn't touch his hair. You should of seen him Xigbar.." Axel was almost groaning now, pivoting in his seat as his eyes fell shut. "His pretty eyes all wide and his mouth made the most perfect..." He paused, copying the expression, "'O'! He was bleeding all over, and he kept grabbing at my feet, but my Roxas stopped that, didn't he?"

The blond nodded, and after a snap of his fingers from his 'boss', he reached in his other pocket and looking closer, Xigbar saw the denim was stained a sick color. After a moment, Roxas pulled his hand out and in it was another hand, the skin puckered around the hastily cut wrist. The fingers were gnarled towards the palm but the thumb was missing and with a roll of his insides, the man kneeling on the floor knew it was laying around his trashed apartment somewhere in a small white pillbox. "You fucker!" He spat, launching himself from his position on the dirty floor at the blond boy. Mere blinks of time later, Xigbar was on his back again with a knee dug into his breastbone and a knife scissored down one side of his face. He could taste air through his cheek and probing the wound with his tongue, he found his skin had been striped to the teeth.

"Fucker.." He hissed, not daring to relax his jaw from where it was set tightly. Blood leaked down over his taut neck, darkening the collar of his shirt with every pound of his strained heart and sharp inhale. Roxas looked to the redhead who was now standing just behind him and after getting a curt nod, he knelt eye level with the man who was already on the floor and grabbed him by the back of the length of his salt-and-pepper hair to tug his head back. His pale pink tongue flickered over his lips and looking hesitantly to the floor, the blond flinched when his 'boss' swat him over the back of his head with one hand.

"Roxas! We're not doing that yet, remember?" Axel smacked at his younger companion until he was standing again, the knife and hand clenched tightly in his fists before the redhead pushed him to one side. "We discussed this, silly~" He grinned, trailing a sharp finger down along the older man's temple and cheek bone before pressing his thumb against the other's thin eyelid. "Left of right though..."


	2. Stupid Kid

_So, I'm gonna TRY (Key word here, try!) to upload a chapter every two weeks! Probably around the weekend, but I never know with my damn work schedule. (And holy cow, I got so lost trying to like... Deal with the upload system here. XD;;; *failure*) This chapter is a bit fluffier then the last one, so I hope you guys like this!_

_And happy New Years, you guys!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the storyline~_

_Beta'd again by Seasaltmaddness! _

_-_

Love was something Xigbar had seen countless times but never experienced it himself. Bitterly, he assumed he never would now that Myde was gone. He hadn't known the kid for long, a few months at most, but it didn't take long for the pair to escalate from the odd meeting to the younger boy moving in with him. He had blindly assumed that with the teen closer to him, he'd be able to be protect him better, but in retrospect, it was a stupid move on his part. Axel and Roxas had spent many the night there along with Xemnas and Saix, their now dead "leaders", so it should of been no surprise that they had abducted Myde from the top floor flat with little to no trouble. Piecing together what Axel had explained amidst howling at his blond lover to hurry up dealing with the older man, they had stopped by with the fake intention of speaking to Xigbar. When they were sure the dark blond was alone, they pinned him and without knocking him unconscious, Axel made sure the boy's older counterpart know this, sliced off his thumb and carted off the rest of him.

Xigbar came home a few hours later to that single, bloody digit in a small pillbox in his mail slot. He didn't think too much of it at first - He had received "trophies" from his ex-partner in crime and ex-lover, a European man named Luxord, before but once he studied the thumb, he realized whom it belonged to. It was almost instantaneous with the sick realization that he too was attacked and dragged to some dirty warehouse and was blind folded, gagged then bound. He lay, unmoved from his place on the floor, for three or four days which in his line of work was a considerably short time since he had conditioned his body to survive a couple weeks without food, water and sleep.

It was only when he was pulled to his knees and his blindfold and gag cut away was he able to connect with the sick desperation that his own victims had suffered. Xigbar was ruthless and his methods were barely considered "humane" by the once-residential psychopath Saix. Guns and snipering were his specialty but close range he was a beast, using anything and everything to carry out his "missions". He could of easily overthrown Xemnas or demanded that he be made next in line for rule rather then Saix, but the man was more then happy to let someone else resume the role of acting superior over the ill tempered mob. It was easiest that way, even if he was the second founder and he was proud that he held no malicious feelings towards the leading duo.

He had been involved in his line of work for more then three decades after having joined when he was barely seventeen, though only in Xemnas' group for the half of the time. His dark hair was streaked grey and silver by the time he was twenty five, and ever since his short time employment on a large barge ship he had the body of a long-time fighter. Fire still burned in his bright amber eyes, despite his years of stalking and killing people from all walks of life and in his grin, he still held that childish enthusiasm that had drawn Xemnas to him to begin with. He didn't care to remember his first time; It had been rushed, overwhelming and messy, and to top it all off, the brunet had nearly been caught by his victim's wife, but it did teach him that if he was going to continue in this particular line of work (The alternative route being a shallow grave) that he'd need to detach himself from the society he dealt with. It wasn't that hard, he had grown up with distant parents and only a single sibling who had left before he could remember so it wasn't as though he craved any human companionship so he just had to lower his level of empathy down from its already meager amount. It was all working out fine for Xigbar, he only had to "deal" with a couple people a month, and in return he had a more-then-well padded bank account, and sometimes would get paid trips over seas.

That was where he met Myde.

He had been returning from Australia by cruise ship, and was sprawled across a plastic lounge chair on one of the ship's upper decks with his hands behind his head as a makeshift pillow. The gentle lull of the ocean against the boat's hull and cacophony of the other visitors had tugged the man just past the brink of consciousness, his bright eyes half lidded in his cat nap-like state. He only stirred slightly when there was a slight commotion beside him on the deck, and shifting in his place, the brunet let one eye slip open. He saw a teenager, he barely looked seventeen or eighteen, struggling with one of many plastic chairs that lined to the deck. Xigbar grinned inwardly at the display, only shifting when the boy let out a triumphant yell.

"Stupid chair.." The older man turned back to his side slightly when he released he was being addressed, and he was greeted by a pair of round, sea-blue eyes, the owner grinning proudly. "I got it though!" He was sat up in the seat now, a pair of green sunglasses perched at his temple. His hair looked as though he had gotten distracted half way through styling a mohawk, with strands of the caramel colored locks falling about his lightly tanned features. Giving the younger boy a once over, the brunet noted a small tattoo on the side of the other's neck, and a couple handmade strands of hemp rope and shell beads around both of his ankles. His bare torso was barely defined, as was the rest of his lanky, lean body, and his skin was clear of any noticeable scars, a stark contrast to the man's own marred body.

"Hullo!"

Xigbar moved his gaze to the other again, one hand moving to shade his eyes from the almost too bright sun. "Hey," He grinned slightly, propping himself up on his free arm against the plastic chair, reaching out one hand in greeting, "Xigbar."

"Ohh, cool name, I'm Myde!" The dirty blond took the other's hand in his own, squeezing it enthusiastically before tugging his sunglasses down over his eyes. "What brought you down under?" Xigbar shrugged, flexing his arms up over his head with a low groan. "Just needed a change of pace I guess, what about yourself?" He lay back down, one hand tucked back behind his head once more while the other flopped from the plastic chair, his extended fingers brushing the worn wood of the ship's deck. "I needed to check out the way legendary surf! And man oh man..." Myde shook his head, his hastily styled hair bobbing with the movement until he too leaned back in his seat. "It was way worth it!" Pumping one fist into the air, the teen wiggled in his place with a wide grin showing his white teeth. "It was just... Woah."

At that time, neither knew that in a couple hours, and after several clumsy toasts in the ship's bar, the duo would be rolling and romping about the sheets of the older man's bed. While Xigbar had woken up purposefully before the teen to make sure he made it to shore before the other even noticed he was gone, he had left his cell number on the night stand. Despite assumptions from his fellow mobsters that he was a sexual deviant with men and women of all ages, he was, in truth, quite abstinent from sex almost entirely. Luxord and himself had been in a long-running relationship for just over a decade, but they had split up after the blond had been found in bed numerous times with even more people. Since being found out, the younger man had been trying in vain to win back his ex-lover in vain but even then Xigbar knew that the other would never interfere in any of his current escapades.

In fact, on the occasions that the two blonds had spent together in Xigbar's flat, they seemed entirely amicable towards one another, even to the point of his ex-lover teaching his current how to play poker. The boy was hopeless when it came to feigning his feelings; Each and every triumph and failure painted itself across his features with shivering grins and puppy-dog pouts. That was the only reason Xigbar kept a deck of playing cards around, since Luxord always had his own custom pair on hand, to see Myde's entertaining array of expressions. The dirty blond would often tease his older partner that his favorite expression was his face just before Xigbar pushed into him and held still for a moment, in actuality, the man's favorite was when he played his sitar. It was an Indian instrument but under the twist and flickers of the boy's skillful hands, it could emulate nearly any tone or style. The blue lacquer was chipped in places and the wood near the base of the neck was slightly rippled by moisture, but Myde loved it dearly and kept the six strings tuned and shiny with use. Xigbar had seen a couple sitars, but nothing like the one that was often propped up near one of the front windows of his flat. The teen had specifically crafted and molded the instrument to change the sound from that of a sympathetic string with resonating whines, to one of a heartier sound, and so the head was shaped to an almost star shape while the base was nicked near the middle to change the way the notes echoed out of the hollow gourd shape. The dark blond would often curl up in the window seat of the apartment, or lay about in the older man' bed, and strum the instrument slowly, plucking out soft melodies and tickles of sound before forming any true composition. His eyes would slip shut, or raise to meet something that only he could formulate and play until he felt as though he had done enough. It seemed spiritual, some sort of healing and connection that kept him refreshed and zealous despite the obvious qualms with his lover's job. Xigbar never interrupted the boy when he was playing his sitar, he would only perch somewhere nearby and listen to something he had never, and he knew that he never would, understand or feel.

That was one thing to say about Myde, he had found, nurtured and mulled his gift for music into something almost tangible. He played twice a week at a small corner coffee shop a couple blocks from his new home, the instruments and pieces he chose changing with his mood. He never sang though, that was saved for evenings home with Xigbar whether they be cooking a simple meal together, or enjoying a close moment behind closed doors. The boy felt his singing paled in comparison to his instrumental talents, but he did so only for his lover when it felt as though his heart would burst out of his ribcage if he didn't somehow project how he felt for the older man. Every tremble and waiver of his voice made his cheeks burn a reddish color, but he would continue, never raising his gaze from his feet or the task at hand until his lover would smile, crookedly of course, and urge him on. Myde knew that the man didn't love him back, it obvious no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise. There was just something missing in his eyes when they kissed, or the slight turn of his palm when he moved to ruffle the teen's hair but no matter, the dark blond loved him and was more then happy to live with him. He had never said it out loud to anyone aside from relatives, and Myde knew that he wanted to hold those special words to himself until they would be repeated back to him.

"H-Hey, you okay?"

There was a voice then, the word whispered and meek.

"Myde?"


End file.
